Last Friday, I completed my longest run ever! Jenn and I charged the park and decided to head North as far as I've ever gone without a bike. We completed the upper 5-mile loop in a little over an hour with running intervals averaging ten minutes with short brisk walks in between. Up at Harlem and Great Hills, we bounded up the stairs towards buns of steel.
I wish I felt good about this. In truth, I didn't so much. Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm in a rut.
Since this past weekend was the first time I was in New York in several weeks, I was really dreading looking forward to being able to do the TNT Saturday run. I hosted a little holiday donation party (WHERE WERE YOU SCOTT) that Friday and it was supposed to be a lowkey and early 7:30-9:30pm affair. But since, you know, 20-somethings run on their own schedule, most people didn't show until around 9:30pm. But I was good! I was preparing for the early morning! More wine, Celeste? Oh no, thanks, I'm running in the morning! You're crazy. I know!
The final guest didn't leave until well past my bedtime. I suppose I could've kicked people out but my good friend was in town who I hadn't seen in a while and yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah. After a crazed week with little sleep, I woke up at noon. Whoops.
Maybe it was because I felt guilty for not running. Maybe it's because heavy snowstorms make me sentimental. Maybe it's because I'm allergic to the cold. Regardless, I started feeling rather blue. I've been feeling a little down on myself lately. A little unpretty and a little lonely. This time of year has the habit of making me a little sad and a little fat which subsequently makes me sadder which in turn makes me fatter. I get caught in a yearly cycle of weight-loss/weight-gain. I know how to do it. I know how to stay in control. But I just lose that drive when the thermometer nosedives and I adopt the habits of pre-hibernation mammals. It's not uncommon. This is why there's a spike in gym memberships and weightloss groups after the New Year. I may be exercising more, but I'm eating. And eating. And eating. It didn't help that on the Saturday I missed the morning run, I tried to put on my jeans for the first time in a while and found that they didn't quite fit so well. It felt like wrestling latex onto a Hippo. Nor did it help that I mistakenly grabbed a maternity-sized dress (it was cute!) in TopShop and it didn't fit either (Granted, it was several sizes too small anyways but still. It stings.). You know it's a bad day when a goddamn maternity dress doesn't fit you. I'm in that time when your stomach turns a knot when you see a picture of yourself. That night, to compensate/make myself feel better/drown my sorrows/whatever the hell the rationale is to eat more when you feel badly, I ate. Ravioli. Mac & Cheese. Steak. Cake. Cookies. Cold pizza. I ate everything.
Even the accomplishment of my speed-training on Tuesday (I did it with Jenn as I didn't have time to do it with TNT) didn't make me feel any better. I ran the longest continuous interval I've ever run without a walk (2 miles) and did the whole 30-minute workout with only 2 1-minute walks towards the end. It was killer. I should've felt proud. Instead, I just wondered how the hell I would be able to do that 4 more times to complete a half-marathon. At least one person was proud of me. Jenn has been working overtime to pump me up and we've talked about some training eating plans to get me back on track for the New Year.
The journey home for Christmas didn't lift my spirits. Amtrak decided to have a power outage so I cancelled my train and booked a flight. My flight was delayed so I decided to read and enjoy a beverage. When I went to check to see if the flight was ready to board, I found that the plane had already left. They got a gate change (I heard that announcement) and were able to leave earlier (I did not hear that one). I've never missed a flight in my life. The next flight wasn't until 9pm. Which got delayed until 10:30pm. Fun times. At least there was a bar. Christmas was nice, though, despite or in spite of eating my body weight in macaroni and cheese.
I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season. Thanks again for reading and for your support.
Mama Cest,
ReplyDeleteGet out of that funk now!
Easier said than done, huh? I feel your pain - you are doing great, I am so proud of you! Who am I you might be thinking? - I am someone who watched you grow up from a middle school kid with BIG dreams to a college graduate with even BIGGER dreams. Keep dreaming and keep moving forward one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. You need to make the decision that your training is about making changes in your life, not your body. It is a fact that many people gain weight over the course of a training program, it's ok. Let it be ok for now - your body is changing. Pants will begin to get looser in some areas and tighter in others - it happens to the best of us and yes,we all cry about it and eat more to feel even less pain. The problem is, you get stuck in a rut. Do you know that you are doing something that most people only dream of doing and you are actually doing it. It has taken me many years to change my thinking about food and training but I finally have it down. You eat to run!!!! Not the other way around. Make it a game, know that everything you are putting in your mouth is for the purpose of having a better run - give it a week or so and try those jeans on again.
Keep it going srong you are almost half way there.
Smile Mama, Smile. I know I do everytime I read your blog and see your accomplishments!
Jamie you are the BEST
ReplyDeleteOK - Can we talk about how far you have come as a RUNNER?? Remember our treadmill workouts where ONE mile seemed like torture?NOW - you're convincing me to venture out in the sub-human temperatures to run the reservoir - 2 LAPS NON-STOP. I am very proud.
ReplyDelete